You Know...?

1. You know that feeling when you know you are just fucked up and always be like this still you read a book titled- Life is what you make it..?

2. You know that feeling when you hate everyone because no one really loves you because you're disgusting or maybe not?

3. You know that feeling when you, YOU are missing something/ someone and your brain says no need to miss them still you feel miserable?

4. You know that feeling when you think your heart is a shit stuffed bag of tears?

5. You know that feeling when you feel you've faked everything all your life, that you've pretended coolness, happiness, bindaasness for so long, people actually detest you if that armor cracks once in a while, and they move on to the funny people of the moment then. You know?

6. You know that feeling when you just want to drink and drink and drink some more, and then go out and tell everyone what you actually think of them, that they're hot and you want to kiss them, that they're cute and you want to kiss them, that they suck and you want to gaand pe laato them, that you're awesome so please love back?

7. You know that fearful feeling, when you get eve-teased by three bikers and shout back "madarchod" in tashan, but you know you're fuck scared and rape may happen any moment?

8. You know that feeling when your scalp starts bloody bleeding because of winter dryness and people notice and tell you about it?

9. You know that feeling when your crush gives you nothing but a bored "hey" but a gives a handshake with full fledged smile to your cute friend.

10. You know that feeling when you discover, suddenly, that food is not making you happy any longer, and that appetite is dying and dying sand dying?

11. You know that feeling when you just want to hug your mother and just live in the warmth of love and validation?

12. You know that feeling when you fear being judged?

13. You know that feeling when the person you've loved the most all your life, the person you've shared everything with, the person who knows your real self like no other, when that person turns out to be nothing but an illusion, a farce, and suddenly everything is lost?

14. You know that feeling when you're crying in the night, fearing someone whose special to you starts avoiding you any moment, wondering what you can do about it?

15. You know that feeling when there's no love anywhere?

16. You know that feeling when you're so devastated only God can help?

17. You know that feeling when you're just painfully, intensely, unusually, sad?

18. You know that feeling when you want to drink and drink and drink and DRINK?

19. You know that feeling when you want someone with you, someone who's like you, someone who loves you even when you're a solitude-loving, boring, non-risk-taking, cribbing, crying, idiotic, bitchy, stabby, messy, dirty-minded, desperate, selfish, non-fun-loving, shanti-loving,money-loving, ambitious, jealous, dark, unfunny  because that probably what you really are?

20. You know that feeling when you're a total stranger to your own self, your activities are dictated by some manipulative corner of your brain, you cannot love anyone, no one loves you, everything is dhokha, naatak, etc etc?

You know?

Addicted..!

Yes, I am addicted to my friends. 

I feel happy when they are around. 

Stupid chats, nonsense conversations ,may be they are just killing their time by doing this.

                    They say :- " Sometimes Nothing To You Means The World To Someone Else!"

                                       

                                         And yes, They mean the world to me. I find my happiness in theirs because i myself don't have any damn reason to be happy on this earth. Just because i have them in my life i feel Life is worth living, they make me smile in my worst mood.

“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

But the question is if one day these angels will fly away. What would i do... ? 

They have their own life, own problems. When they are having tough time with their loved ones,whu would be there for me... ? to make me feel better, make me smile.....................? 

                                 

                     Mere a thought of not having them by my side shakes me up from inside. They are my drug and i need a daily dose of them.

                        

God if you are listening then- Please..! stop it...I don' want to loose my drug bags and i can't afford to have new ones..!

    I am feeling tired,restless as if i am not being able to breathe properly., but the sad thing is i am still alive..!

Running and all that trash..!

I've been running from no one or nothing in particular but I just seem to be running from the truth, from people , from myself.Maybe I think too much into things, maybe its not true at all, maybe I just don't see the sunny side of things. I don't know I just don't feel happy. Like , nothing really makes me happy anymore , no goal to work towards, no event to look forward to and no satisfaction of something well done. Stuck in a rut? Maybe.

    Hundred things to worry about and hundred questions to answer to various people. Why? Why should I answer anyone's questions , My Life and My Decisions. Doesn't work that way. No one literally NO BLOODY ONE bothered to tell me growing up would be THIS Bad.

I feel talking to anyone is too much work so I don't .  I just talk to those who really matters. I feel doing just about anything is too much work.

In school when they used to ask what would you like to be when you grow up , I would say something new everytime , and maybe that is exactly the problem. I want to do too many things and so I am never happy where  I am , no but seriously who is happy about  doing maths stuff. :\ . I was never into this rubbish typical BanK jobs. My dreams were way too hattke. 

Okay..! Now then when i am option-less i am doing it  but sometimes i feel it won't work for me. And then i think may be  somewhere down the line it will all magically make sense. Ahhh.! Tired of this may be may be not ... i need a break seriously dude i need a long break from this life.

It's not that i don't have time for myself. May be i need someone to make me feel good about myself.

It's obvious i don't have much time to say "22 tak padhayi 25 pe naukri ..chkra ..shaadi bachee nd all then maut ka intezar" ? ( i know typical ranbu fan typz )

Running out of time, I literally have to steal some moments for myself.

Remember that awesome poem we had in school ,  I used to love it ..! :D

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?—

No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:

No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

                                       -W.H.Davies