No Fun GIRL

hi blogie,
hows you?
surprised to see me after so long?
you must be thinking i am busy in my happy-sad life making the most of it?
well yes kind of....!! but its a more of sad-happy-sad-terrible-happy-sad-OK-fine kind of life.
one of my friend asked me about blog so i came back to you trying to restore myself as nothing makes me feel better. NOTHING.
Do you know whats wrong with me ?
Why life is so messed up.when things will get smooth?
this fucking diseased body is winning over my soul....i am not this...i don't want to be this.
stress,anxiety,depression comes along and i have snapped on people i love the most many times and then i am left with an empty feeling.
Not understanding that they can't do anything about my situation.
Everyone is struggling with some unwanted feelings in their life and i have my own.
Now comparing myself to others will be a foolish thing but that's what i do at times.
don't know when i will accept that i am different in this same-same world and this world will accept me the way i am.

A Boring,No FUN girl.............!!

but i love to see my loved ones smiling.

happy,making fun of each other...laughing,mocking.Fighting,caring...

burying the stress of life under witty lines and rejuvenating thyself.

because this life has to go on....and on...!

But I Want a Stop

That whatsapp message.

Someone sent me a message to put a candle as my whatsapp DP.
To show grief for those innocent souls who died in terrorist attack.
Those kids are dead now... my heart goes out when i even think about the scenario of those mothers whose children went to school and never came back.
What can i do for them ? To make a diffrence.
Their families are in pakistan...all i can do is pray.

But if my prayers were powerful it wouldn't have ever happend.

GOD watches I Know..!
GOD let it happen;Why? I don't Know..!

Destiny ? Fate? Terrorists? What took those children away i don't know.
They are gone,
There is no coming back,
There are not even visiting hours in heaven,
There souls are in some another world.

What i seee is there are few another children dying outside.some without food,some without shelter and some without clothes in this chilly winter.

They are kids too;may be not from some army school.

They are away from their home too;may be they don't have one.

They miss their mother too;may be because god took her away already
.

Why not do something for them? Before we see some news channel flashing news-3 kids died due to cold weather in north.

Putting a candle as whatsapp dp ?
It doesn't make any sense to me at all..!

Whatsapp is limited to androids only i guess...
However an old blanket from ur store room might save someone.

Where a simple act of kindness can make a huge diffrence ;people are still after these whatsapp show offs to make theirselves feel content about what happened,that they are sad too for their neighbours

Humanity is no more left ...so does ..common sense.

lonely but not alone..!

Its so important to prepare yourself for loneliness. As sometimes you feel lonely because you are alone, and this situation is still okay. But when you feel lonely in the crowd, within this known and comfortable world, you should be comfortable with that loneliness or else you might succumb to the loneliness. In such situation, substitutes won't work in long run. Being friends with the solitude will solve the problem forever. Friends... family are there for you. But it is important that you love yourself, your company the most. 

Fuckfuckfuck

What the fuck is going on ...shit shit shit...!!!!! Shit is all i can say shitty is all i can feel and shit is all i can think.
Actually you know what ?
I am in deeeep shit..so its OK to be this way..right ?
Bankonkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Hhh
No matter.. how much efforts you make, to turn things better.. how much you try..you will always always be like this only.
SCREWEEEDDDDD
this feeling gonna never leave you
Never everrrrrrrrr
Because you desrve this ...oh yea you deserve to feel this much miserable.
Afterall you have comitted crimes ..murders robbery ? aint you? ....you gangsta girl..!!hhhuh
Keep crying..
Thats the only thing you can do and you are good in it. Cozzzzzx
You have got only tears in your share in this life.
Misery is all you see and miserable is all you feel.
Your own life is fucked up thats totally great..superb fantastic..but....
Inspite of that you try to smile going out of the way..
Then bosss...
Hah
No no chance life will screw you more
And the more efforts you make more deep shit you are in so babes better keep crying...!!!!

♥

Love is thinking someone is beautiful even  though they are a huge mess. ♥

#My words

"Don’t wake me up,until its dawn again.
Don’t call my name i am not the same.
Selflove is gone long back..
The day i got drenched in rain. "

Breathing game

And there comes a day
She is all hopeless and glad
Soon this will be over
No longer needs to find reasons to smile
No longer needs to pretend
No more sufferings and cravings
Dreams and fantasies will come to an end.
There will be no more her
..to feel bad for,
No more her..to say “stay strong”
No shoes now fits her ..no scenario her eyes ever seen
World was worth watching you bitch ..her eyes has always scream.

Miracle, hopes kinda words are fading
No one there to put on blame..
But she is all fragile and tired now
Playing this breathe in & breathe out game.

Actor-Us ..! :)

We all want to look good. [ouch..! this really hurts :'( ].
We all want to be appreciated, accepted. [Not the way we are, the way they want us to be]
We want people to say we are good..no not good.. that wouldn't satisfy us. We want to be called THE BEST.
We want to be loved. [who doesn't?]
We long for attention..say things that would sound "correct and pleasant" to impress people who wouldn't give us a second look or care about us if we spoke our mind.
We act innocent when we want to, to look "good" in a tricky situation.
We use our tactfulness to stay ahead of people we secretly hate but don't admit it to their faces.

We love someone but are shy to admit it because HEY! why should we make the first move? [In actual we are afraid ] but we act like... isn't love supposed to find us? 
But we love to hate a person in full public display. We act happy to show how rosy and lovely our world is, but something's hurting us inside.
We lie. We lie to escape. We hate to admit if someone we dislike is better than us because we think that would make us a smaller person.
Sometimes we fake things.
 We all are wearing beautiful masks. In our minds, we are always right. We are our own Heroes.

In a way, we are all Actors.
Kudos to Us..! :) 

It is ok not to be happy, for happiness is overrated!..!

Have you ever had one of these phases when all you wanna do is be quite and soundless?

Well, currently is my time, and despite of all my desperate attempts to please myself, I just couldnt help but surrender to the silence around me.

To those Friends...!

To my dear friends, old and new,

To the most ‘precious’, not many, but few,

To the friends who showed me the world,

And to those with whom I now share the view,

To the life that you brought in ‘me’

To the smile that dazzled the eyes,

To the love that spread miles away,

To the care, like a blanket, warm and wide,

To the laughter, that radiated many faces,

To the pranks, silly and amusing,

To the tears, full of salt and emotions,

To the effort t o cheer the other,

To the words that struck the right chord,

To the reading minds and intuitive thoughts,

To make my life worth living,

Under a canopy of selected and good friends,

A different color in each leaf,

Each with its perfection which gleams,

Amalgamating in the sparkling rain,

Forming a rainbow with the sun in view.

To all my friends, with beautiful souls,

To all my friends who amazed me,

Life would be different and so would me,

Had it been just me and not “we”!

DOG TV..!!

Read someones status about DoG T.V..! ? Like there is something actualy like DOG T.V Exists ? 

Googled about it and yess..there is..!
Yahan entertainment industry mein people slog their asses off, struggle for years to land a substantial role and here is a separate channel dedicated to Dogs with dogs in designer wear with their own shows airing puppy love stories. Some celeb dogs even afford their own human hairstylists (Hilarious in parallel world :D)
Catch your breath..the name's "DOG Tv". 
no wonders wese if Imam siddaqui has his own show at MTV..So, Dogs can also have their own channel..:/


Yakeen ni hota apni aankhon pe  

Comedy nights with ME..!!

Yess..!! Nowadays whats happening is not less then some Comedy.

Again i caught myself talking with myself only about "this bad phase never gonna be end". Which i olready know and have accepted also.. but NO.. !
AGAIN  tears started falling uncontrolably and din't stop till it reached brim of the bucket. Ofcourse not really..
FUNNY part was that i actually started saying nice words to myself after sheding millions of tears.LoL and i actually felt better.
Amazing isn't it ??..

Here i know nothing is gonna get better ever so why such comedy happens with me. Guess i am going psycho ... or i have tried all styles of crying and this is a new one. Nobody is there to make you laugh .. So,i am there for myself.

OH YEA..!!
I Can be your HERO baby.
I Can kiss away the pain.

El o El..!
I m STUPID,and i know it..♡

What the shit i just wrote ? :'( my thinking power is vanishing day by day :'(

F.R.I.E.N.D.S-hip SeasonZ

So Again i found myself rolling on bed here and there as its 1:41A.M.
So i spent sometime thinking about how my relationships with people have evolved and I concluded that with each and evrey person of my life i have Seasons. Like i can categeorise them in these 4 seasons.

The "dhoom season" - Where coz the friendship's new there are a lot of chatting, phone-calls, 24*7 messaging and a lot of masti & Yaarana. This phase generally lasts for 3 weeks and at MAX - a month. Take a pause and then again comes with sequal.

Then comes the "Comedy Nights with Kapil season" - The reason why the name is such is because we remember each other only during weekends ..Saturday and Sunday just like the days this show is aired. Generally for a movie or an occasional dinner. 

Then comes the "Manmohan Singh season" where we speak only on Birthdays or the worst days of our Life. Just like how Manmohan speaks either on Independence/Republic days or days when the Indian Economy prefers to drown like the Titanic in Atlantic ocean.

Finally the "Uday Chopra" phase- Where just like the Indian audience doesn't know whether he's living or dead but he shows up in 1 movie in 4 years...our friendship too goes in Hibernation and only whatsapp forwards OR liking their profile pictures on facebook is my way of showing I'm alive.

Though few of my friendships have survived the test of times and boredom, I contemplate sometimes as to why I get bored of people. Maybe it's just me bored of my life or my life bored of me.whatever but i will always love the people i have in my life. ♥♥

Look at this place..

Feels like melting into the window seat. *Sigh*

Arsenal VS...?!?!... Don't Disturb..!!

Its Sunday , and again a bored one..! Out of boredom it happened me to think what i was doing at this time last Sunday..? (Smart thought i know -_-) 

And it killed me again that i had called one of my bestie last Sunday.. and he disconnected my phone by messaging.. "Its Arsenal VS ...*Some football team i don't remember* " .. DON'T DISTURB..! 

Huh..! Don't disturb is what he had never ever said to me in all these years, even if i am bugging him he has always said "Daffa ho" . Yeah..! that's how we bade bye to each other. -_- . But "don't disturb, Match romantic ho raha hai.."
EeeeP..! Romantic..? I felt like throwing SRK's DDLJ, Dil to pagal hai and all Bollywood romantic movies DVD's on his face and telling him this is what romance is not that thing those idiots are doing with ball.

I’ve been seeing since few years how keenly he watches Foot ball matches, my few more friends and brother also watch this game. And i wonder whats so amazing about this..?

This game is so ‘rough’, players go around shoving each other to take the ball??

All I have praised this game is for (except for the awesome goals that were made) it’s cute and hot players. I have absolutely no clue about this game. I do not know what all tricks the players use, why and when Red, Yellow cards are given (though I do know they are given when the player misbehaves), and am completely unaware of the rules.

Every time I asked my brother to tell me the rules, he would tell me “later” and that later hasn’t arrived till date.

Moreover i have no idea about the names of the teams, have heard a few like Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester United, Liverpool. That’s it. 

"EPL is ON dude. Chelsea VS Man U" .- dialogue from Mujhse fraandship karogi. And just because of this movie i know is Man U is the team which frequently changes their Manager. Earlier i din't even know all teams have their manager.

This is all i know about this football as of now. But for some unknown reason i have some strange curiosity towards this game.

The enthusiasm, the zest with which people cheer for teams is something which I do not connect to, and feel sad about it :( . And now I do not know if I can be made to or rather make myself fall in love with this game, or even after years when I re-read this I’ll still be feeling sad that I know nothing about the game :/ 

That Song 'The Waving Flag' by Kannan .. is what always comes to my mind at first place as i think of Football.

the ‘echo’, the true feel of the song ‘that makes me think of a huge football ground with spectators cheering for their teams, and everywhere you look around all you see is anger, drive, energy, passion, and craze of the football fans for their country and for their teams.

No wonder then that FOOTBALL the most loved and followed game in most of the countries!!!:)

BUT.. That doesn't mean you say "Don't Disturb" to your Friends..! >:( 

Cute Pizza delivery guy..! :D

Hmm...Mommy din't make anything "Kuch achha" ..

So, I ordered a pizza today.

No big deal I know.

And I was disappointed...yet again.

You know, how they have really cute/hot guys delivering pizzas in ads.

Every time I order a pizza, I wait in anticipation for this.........

But I am always greeted with this...

 

hooooh..!!

 

I found gippy garewal cute too as pizza delivery guy in ATB :D ...

 

But no.. :/ 

Anyways Pizza was yummy..! :D

 

I will keep ordering untill they send a cute pizza delivery guy..! :D :P 

Just another life,can i have ?

Hey .. what haan what ?..,Life i got is deffective, i need to exchange it god..? Can i have another one ?
PLEASE..
It has nothing in it.Not a single CONTENT is matching boss.. i just got bluffed by you dude.
Do even realise what did you do to me ? What a big big big mistake you have done.

Lemme acknowledge you mr.God..

Firstly,you forgot to add the most important chapter of my life and thats college . Have you ever been to college ?. No...? .. You know what.. evry teenager on this earth dreams about this heavenly place. You know why ? Bcoz this is the place from where you get F.R.I.E.N.D.S. You know how ?... when teacher sclods you all together .. you feel a bond,when you make assignments together you feel we all are in same shit, when you all get less marks..you feel you r not alone, when you can't makeup to attend the class..they give ur proxy,when you fight with your mom and leave home without eating breakfast ..they bring you tiffin, friends make it all worth living.  oops i forgot to ask .. do you have friends ? ... No na ?.. i knew it.. thats why you din't let me make any. But hah..!! i still managed to have few ... dare you ever make us apart. You know with friends you can talk whatever you feel. Its such a nice feeling to know you have someone who understands you so well. And yes friends make us laugh too .. they do the stupid things with us which is great.

MISSED COLLEGE CHAPTER... NO MEMORIES TO CHERISH... NO EXPERIENCES TO SHARE...JUST ENVY YOU DIN'T HAVE ONE.

OKAY ..!! For once i can spare you for not adding college chapter...
But do you have any idea normaly the life you promise to give all humans ..have a special someone in it. Which is the major and most important content i belive. And  you even forgot to add that one also .?
How could you. .? What i am suppose to do all my life alone?  When i will get hurt whos gonna be there for me ..?  Are you aware of that amazing feeling ..? when you know you are being loved by someone.♥

You cruel life maker .. made mine one empty.. din't make anyone for me.

You even snatched my preety face. Being a girl do you realise how painful it is.? When you had once a beautiful smile and with a sudden twist it changes into a horrible one ?

Oh shucks.. i m already so very much fucked up.. not intersted in giving you details .. it kills me just kills me .. why the hell even i am talking to you. Guess you have plugged in earfones.. not even listening to me. By the way.. which song are you listening with full volume , That you are avoiding me from last 5 years..? must be 'dhatin naach' ryt ?... nowadsys to this one is hit number guess thats why you are making me dance on your stupid plans.i am bloody frustrated now.you get that ? 

NO... HELL BLOODY HELL... WHY DON'T YOU PICK ME UP.. ? :/

You deprived me from all this but gave me patience ?

Why.. ? Why ?

This is the most unwanted content according to me.. PATIENCE.
You are poor life maker.. mine one has lot of bugs in it.
So just..
Take this away.. take this life back..
All i am asking for is..
Just another life.. can i have.. ¿

Attraversiamo...!

Attraversiamo is an italian phrase, that means 'Lets Cross Over'.
A couple months before, I wasn't even acquainted with this supreme world of blogging.
I will not cook up a story as to how I started blogging because I quite frankly do not remember.
But I wrote my very first post for my another blog just randomly and that was the day I knew that this would become irreplaceable for me. (though i deleted that one this is my happy place now..! ^_^ )

A year ago, I dreamt of a happy place.
A year ago, I created a happy place.
And you're in it right now.

My blog turned 1 this Awwwgust and I can't believe that it still can lift up my spirits when I'm down.
Its a gloomy milestone and I'm just crossing it over. Hope they're many more to come.

30 Not-So-Teary-Days ..!

Destiny takes you places where  you never thought of going. So, GHAZIABAD it was...!
Yup, few days back ghaziabad was the city i used to listen in news for obvious criminal cases happening there. All i could think about ghaziabad was its a crime city ,we don't have relatives there, Plus" there is no tourist place or any other thing that is valid enough and gives me reason to visit it once. Though i have a friend there who is so dear to me but still not even in dreams i ever thought of going there.

On the contrary part i had just spent 30 days there. LOL it is...! and LOL is what always happens to me. :/

Where i was all excited about going to Delhi, All of a sudden my therapist had to change his clinic . And from all the cities i see on the MAP of INDIA. He chose GHAZIABAD.
So it was trouble for us to find a good PG there. but no.. my therapist who is so very concerned about me though i don't get why .. :/ arranged my stay at his home only.I think all the doctors have this "Angels veins" in them or may be my doctor is some exceptional case. Anyways as the matter of fact talking about my case which is a Real Exception for doctors i had to go for therapy sessions to get some betterment. and Yes i am a bit Better after shedding thousand of tears in last 30 days every morning and evening. Even after enduring so much pain, those cruel hearts used to call me *Rotlu girl* :/ Lets just not talk about it..! -_-

My doctor is a Muslim so it was a nice experience of staying with a Muslim family. His wife and his baby were his only family So as mine for next few days. His wify told us that she had no real sister so please call me di instead of bhabhi. :D ( Funny people they were ..doc bhayia and Di makes no sense :P ) . So mona and I used to call her 'DI' and  li'l baby girl Ayesha used to call us mona massi - sona massi  . O.o . Lol No.. a 5 months baby can't speak after all :P.

As i entered the room where i was going to stay i saw a photo behind my bed and it was some kind of mosque as far as i know with beautiful greenish-bluish sky, this picture had something .. no not some electric lights but it used to glow even after lights off. My room was big enough for me with a big window from where i could enjoy gzb rains as it was month of monsoons. For few days my dear elder sissy mona was staying with me so we enjoyed alot. Of course not those therapy sessions. >.< they were like pain in ass :/ not really ... pain in whole body actually ..:| . Doctors are always busy so even my doc used to stay out for long hours and at home di ..who was a real entertainer , mona me and ayesha we 4 girls . We hit it off so well that we started our own *Gossip Girls* and all we used to do was gossiping and munching. :D. Our colony had no security issues the only threat there were *MONKEYS*. Every building every flat has monkey gates so that no any monkey could enter. But our apartment was a bit different even after having monkey gates we 4 girls were only at home and a smart monkey managed to come inside once. Di was in her room's washroom with ayesha , i was in my room and poor girl mona was in kitchen. All of sudden she started shouting -monkey monkey :D i locked myself in my room..:P and asked Di not to come outside the room so she locked herself in another room..:P Kitchen door had no lock from inside so.. Mona and monkey struggled in kitchen with "Push the door game" ..:D Out of our expectations Smarty won by locking her from outside. Yes that smart ass locked her and ran away. It was one hell of a hilarious evening. :D Mona had to leave after one week so mumma replaced her to stay with me. And here comes the boring days. You know you just can't do any thing off beat when you have someone elderly with you.But it was not bad either Di gelled with mumma so well that i didn't realise i was not at my home. One thing i discovered about myself is i am not homesick at all. i didn't miss home even for one second. may be it was because i had stayed there like forever O_o. No, but i used to chiilllaooo "i wanna go back" during my stretching exercises. It was like someone is stretching my soul from the body that much painful ;-( ...!

My family is not that orthodox typo. We shared the same kitchen and i felt so nice when we first ate together. :D it was all new to me so i felt great. :D and i was Happy...:P

Di used to perform Salah/Namaz 5 times a day in her room and under the same roof  my mumma used to do pooja in our room every morning. So cool No..? :D

I am an eggetarian and had tried chicken also. so it was di's birthday and they ordered biryani. i found it so tempting and i ate it..:P *Yes Real Chatori i am* so what i eat small meals my system doesn't allow me to have big meals but i eat everything thoda thoda.:D :D Mom is a pure Vegie so she made faces at seeing me having chicken. :D

On the other hand i was in gzb. SHAIL's city. Shail who is a virtual dost and its been 3-4 years we are friends. In-fact he is that one friend who is more close than few real ones.A best dost one can ever have and i am lucky in that matter. He knows me all and everything about me .Like in real but irony is we are virtual friends and never met. So, i had a chance and i so very much wanted to meet him in real.But i was in dilemma whether to meet him or not. People have tendency to change and i have seen it with real friends. And here it was him - a friend never Hi-5'ved with or chated in real so chances were higher that he could also change.. :/
May be in different way. He already cares for me alot and i didn't want to change this care into sympathy after see-ing me in real. A sympathetic friendship would be the last thing i want on this earth. So, i ended up not meeting him. #SadCursingGod.

All this month i used to cry every evening ,not really crying i used to shed tears for physical pain i was bearing during excercise and once its over very next moment i am back in *My Mode*.But one stupid evening while stretching i was chillaying ahhh-uhh-ouch with tears of course but don't know from where some idiot tuned in to Radio and some fucking radio station was playing that fuckingly senti song which always reminds me of how fucked i am. *Jeene k liye socha hi nahi dard sambhalne honge* :/ this is that one song which my ears always refuse to listen either i will change the channel or i change the room if its on T.V. but that day i broke down in front of doctor* urghhh what a stupid gadhi i am* could not control. I tried to make them fool that i was crying because of stretching but they were no morons to realize what happened to me. Bankonk i created a scene.


Well while packing bags at our last night Di also created a scene .:D  started crying as if its my vidayi session is going on . :/ with some sweet and bitter moments this month passed and i am back at home now. :D Writing all this stuff and relived every moment :D.


#HappiesssEndingss..! :) 

What if my folks were food? ;)

Pani puri :- garima (mona) behna ..:P 

Couldn't live without stuff like this..Spicy, exciting and you could even have some masala ones! ;)

Pav-bhaji : SAnchi-Pluk-
Won't taste good separately, together we rule the world :P     

Gulab Jamuns : ekta -

Sweet,sweet and sweet. I like sweets :)  and jamuns too.. ;-)

Noodles:  - Su-

Tangly Tangled..Awesomey-awesome!!One of my favorites!: but have it rarely :P )

Wafers : panku -

crispy and salted..:) .......perfect snack..:D 

Roti Sabji : Shaily-
My daily doze! Also, the satisfaction after having her ..:P  - priceless!:)

Papad : Ginu bhai - 

Need one everyday!;) At times, lunch is tasteless without it.. =)) :P 

Pineapple : Rohit -
Aaaand, you know why! :P (You don't ;-) ) :P 

Icecream : Shail -
Though you want to, you don't get it everyday :P And you won't like all its flavors:D 

A perfect mood changer. 

Chocolate (fruit and NUTS) :P  : anushka,ishita,Mohit,ankanksha,anu

Always bring smilezz ;) :)